Hypocrisy of Mind

So I rant to my friends about not having any girl friends or any girlfriends, yes both are different. But I don't know why do I even want one. I seek someone for me but still crave detachment from all worldly matters. 

One moment I desperately want someone in my life to make it better the very best moment I feel like I want no one and I can do it myself. This duality of thoughts, this irony of mind. I come from a culture that follows non-duality of nature but my very mind, my own thoughts are opposing that very custom.

When I look into it I find that I may not be over from my previous encounters with the opposite gender and the time spent in that territory. It is that messes up my mind or those thoughts that still make me crave for those things. One thing is clear I do not want physical intimacy it may be a part but not everything, what I seek is emotional intimacy. One that understands me, my thoughts, my feelings. An old fashioned guy like me with bare minimum communication skills a perfect combination for most unsuccessful ventures across the territory of relationship.

But still why that hypocrisy of mind why it wants what it wants. If it needs some solace in lovers arms then why it wants to detach from all the material things all these earthly matters. That's a mystery to me I can't understand my mind and it's hypocrisy but it is what it is that's how it works and in the end everything is just for the betterment. I am giving in to any of those thoughts I just need to have faith and see where life takes. As someone has said

"Kisi ko Ghar se nikalte hi mil gyi manzil

Koi hamari tarah umr bhar Safar me rha"